So how much difference can a dad make when he falls asleep on his lazy boy and is barely around?
Often times as fathers we set ourselves up for disappointment, by promising ourselves to always be there for our children. This means increasing the risk of feeling guilty on Father’s Day.
Be honest, do you really believe that even the most committed dad will be there every single time?
I’m pretty certain that no parent in the history of humanity has ever been there all the time, every time for their children.
I remember a time when I deeply wished my father would have been in attendance at my hockey games when as a teenager I was pursuing my dream of making it to the big league.
I remember days when dear dad would fall asleep on his lazy boy in the middle of a game we were watching together on prime time television.
Oh boy and I’ll never forget the conversation I had with my friend about dads over sushi.
When I said to him, ‘My dad never told me he loved me, and I’m totally ok with it.’
He responded back with, ‘Really. So HOW did your dad say that he loved you?”
I said, “That’s just it, my dad never said it, and like I said I’m ok with that.”
He repeated himself, “I heard you and I’m asking you HOW did your dad communicate he loved you?”
Suddenly I recalled images of my dad smiling from the stands at many hockey games. I recalled dad staying up to watch “I am Sam” from the comfort of his lazy boy with me. Then a powerful memory entered my mind. After one of my cancer treatments, the radiation to my stomach caused intense nausea. Dad pulled over immediately like never before, ran around the car and opened my door just in time for me to projectile in front of a school yard packed with students. I could hear them laughing. Dad said exactly what I needed to hear, nothing. He put his arm around me in silence.
I was sitting in a space where I connected with so many memories and countless times where my dads actions spoke louder than those three little words.
As I recalled these memories, I took a deep breath in this now packed Japanese restaurant as tears uncontrollably streamed down my cheeks.
I felt a bit embarrassed, but also appreciative for my father and his presence even though he died many years ago.
As I kick back on my Lazy boy, I know that I always have the perfect Dad for me and now being a father myself I am well aware that I will never be there for every event in my children’s lives but I will be there every chance I get.
To all you loving fathers out there unless you plan on living forever, and unless you give up everything outside being a dad, stop setting unrealistic expectations. Trust that your kids know that their dad is not superman. Trust that your kids know you cannot be everywhere at once and they know you love them from near and from far.
To all you children out there who feel that dad should be around more, what dads do when they are not with you is in part for you. When they are not there, whether you are in KG1 or a struggling teen, it might just be life’s way of awakening or strengthening your independence.
Dads have dreams too and for the dads who are pursuing the dream with a sense of guilt means, setting the example for your kids to grow into fathers who carry the same feelings.
Appreciating yourself for being the best dad you can be, is about appreciating that you will support both the dreams of your little ones and your own dreams. This translates into giving your kids permission to follow in your footsteps.
In case you are wondering, this was written by a father from his trusted lazy boy.